recently got used to blogging again cause having some emotional upheavals now.the sentence structure seems weird.anyway this place has been with me since sec 1?6 years.although i've always neglected it,its online stuff so it cant be deleted hah!hence the scary part but i can come back to it whenever i wants to.sry to twitter but i dont really think i have the capability to twit to ppl what i'm doing or thinking cause i dont even share it often with my close friends and family so why would i twit it for those who are following me.also to save myself from embarassement if noone follows me lol.one more mth to final terms.and i cant focus at all. cause of you.just found out some stuff which i regretted being so nosy because if i'm not, i wont be having this suffocated feeling.i wont feel so terrible.my mind wont be so occupied over what i've seen and keep hoping that i'm wrong.maybe i am cause i didnt see it that clearly.you asked what am i thinking abt.i answered ppl.then you ask who.well cant tell you the truth obviously. and you went on abt trying hard to get what you want.if i didnt try hard enough, it means i didnt want it that badly afterall.the point is, i did try.maybe its too subtle but what do you want me to do.tell you straight in the face?i told you things will change.you told me if i dont try, it will be square one anyway so no harm trying.trust me,in this case,things will change.told you again and again dont be so nice to me,dont treat me so well,i cannot accept it.you are actually making things worse because how do you expect me to well, forget when you keep reminding me.what do you want from me.doing all that then keeping things from me. yes i have no right to feel jealous or whatsoever but i thought we were close.well i'm actually using the word were so guess we're no longer close.i went to your place to pass money to you because you said you're broke.dude im returning you money and not giving you money. you insisted on treating me when you're broke??i appreciate the thought but you need to take care of yourself first. i dont want you to have not enough money to spend hence returning it to you but you dont understand and said i looked down on you. please why would i do that. i hope thatyou can know your own limits and do what you can and have savings.argued with you for a super long time and i felt damm freaking stupid.you dont understand at all why i want to return it to you. it has always been one way treating because you dont let me treat you. you said you dont do that to everyone. then to who?i mentioned your close friends then you said no.then who do you treat me as.i'm just a friend,a close one at the best.like what i said, its ok if we dont go out anymore, im always the one that initiates anyway. the only thing that change will be you get to save your money.or maybe spend it on other ppl i dont know.do you even realised i care for you thats why i dont want you to spend your money so freely?you worked hard and your job is making you unhappy and you spend all at one go.you just dont understand. go and complain to other ppl or her then.its ok i'm prepared to not initiate anymore and this time, i mean it.making you feel so obligated to go out or even celebrate my birthday with me,im sorry.no worries, no more obligations because ive finally learnt it the hard way.if you really matter to someone, the person will make the effort to spend time with you no matter what. you just proved it when you said going to the event is a waste of money.i got the hint.and i cant believe i'm so blind.everything is right infront of me and i didnt see it.seriously,shoot me for being so blind.living in my own imaginary world sucks to the core cause when reality sinks in,i cant accept it.but i will soon enough.
have fun;
